Keeping motivated seems to be a real problem. But is it a lack of motivation or is it a lack of opportunity?
If you could, would you drop out of 'society' tomorrow, effectively just resigning from the theater act that is 'the machine'. To live in one's car for example is seen as a fringe, unattractive choice, but as I consider what to do with life, its not a massive house that drives me, or some new sports car. In fact its the opposite direction, you could consider it poverty of things, but the trade off, at least from my current perspective, would be the freedom of the mind and more importantly the soul.
I feel as if my soul is trapped in a machine, like a ghost, occupying a position on the ethereal assembly line of life, just taking over for the soul that unfortunately was jammed into the redundant bs existence, assigned to fill a prescribed and expected role.
So why continue? I want to live life so badly. At 34 I find myself happily married, yet restless. As I outlined in the first post, the idea of packing a shipping container and sending it to another continent in another hemisphere doesn't seem to bother me, yet I stay. Why? Is it lack of commitment? Is it lack of motivation? Or is it fear that by stepping out of my preassigned position in our society, I may take over my life, I may find control over more, I may find out, that society, is just a hindrance to finding yourself, your life and true happiness.
I truly feel that one is climbing in a dangerous environment, as the risks are elevated, one gains more pure control over one's life. Ultimately the decision of life and death is in your hands. Maybe I'm afraid deep down that if I break out of the typical, if I exit the super highway that's been paved out and made convenient and if I do a little work, I'll take on reality, responsibility and truly hold sway over my life, but that means changes to myself. Am I responsible enough for this journey? I have to be.
So my current motivation is to receive more responsibility for myself, while removing other things that merely take up the facade of responsibility. Paying the cable bill isn't a measure of responsibility. I'm motivated to take on more, but i'm not motivated to take on more of society's bs.
If you could, would you drop out of 'society' tomorrow, effectively just resigning from the theater act that is 'the machine'. To live in one's car for example is seen as a fringe, unattractive choice, but as I consider what to do with life, its not a massive house that drives me, or some new sports car. In fact its the opposite direction, you could consider it poverty of things, but the trade off, at least from my current perspective, would be the freedom of the mind and more importantly the soul.
I feel as if my soul is trapped in a machine, like a ghost, occupying a position on the ethereal assembly line of life, just taking over for the soul that unfortunately was jammed into the redundant bs existence, assigned to fill a prescribed and expected role.
So why continue? I want to live life so badly. At 34 I find myself happily married, yet restless. As I outlined in the first post, the idea of packing a shipping container and sending it to another continent in another hemisphere doesn't seem to bother me, yet I stay. Why? Is it lack of commitment? Is it lack of motivation? Or is it fear that by stepping out of my preassigned position in our society, I may take over my life, I may find control over more, I may find out, that society, is just a hindrance to finding yourself, your life and true happiness.
I truly feel that one is climbing in a dangerous environment, as the risks are elevated, one gains more pure control over one's life. Ultimately the decision of life and death is in your hands. Maybe I'm afraid deep down that if I break out of the typical, if I exit the super highway that's been paved out and made convenient and if I do a little work, I'll take on reality, responsibility and truly hold sway over my life, but that means changes to myself. Am I responsible enough for this journey? I have to be.
So my current motivation is to receive more responsibility for myself, while removing other things that merely take up the facade of responsibility. Paying the cable bill isn't a measure of responsibility. I'm motivated to take on more, but i'm not motivated to take on more of society's bs.
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